Calling All Saints!

To date, during these pandemic times, I have not yet felt comfortable physically returning to mass. Initially, my family and I were stellar home-church goers. We would line up our chairs for our 10 am mass service, just as we were, in fact, preparing to physically go to mass. More recently, though, sadly, our diligence of attending Sunday mass has wained. Early in the morning, we talk about watching mass online but instead eat a big, slow breakfast around the table and go on a walk through the neighborhood. Kurt and I will plan to watch mass while the girls nap, and by the time the girls are asleep, we are so exhausted that we also snooze on the couch.

We are making plans to do better, because we want to do better. We are SO missing mass.

In the last few weeks, though, while it's not exactly the same, I have been listening to the recorded Three Holy Women masses during my commutes to and from work. It has been lovely. Just the peace (piece!) that I am craving.

During last Sunday's mass, which was the Feast Day of All Saints, Fr. John Baumgardner gave such a beautiful introduction to mass. I've listened to it over and over again, as I feel it is a beautiful way to capture how we want to-- and try to!-- live our lives. 

Fr. John began by sharing this quote from St. Mother Teresa: "Holiness is not the luxury of the few, but rather, it is the simple task, the simple invitation, for all of us." He then went on to say, "Please know, especially in the times in which we find ourselves in, that your efforts to live holiness, often in the small and creative and hidden ways of life, that they're noticed, they're appreciated, and that we just pray that all of us may persevere joyfully in that call and that pathway to holiness."

Your efforts to live holiness, often in

the small

and creative

and hidden 

ways of life--

they're noticed!

They're appreciated!

And let us persevere joyfully!

Oh, what a gift from Father John! I just adore this. Since hearing his introductory prayer and welcome, I have been thinking about ways in which I, personally, can weave in creative ways of holiness and about ways that I see others secretly and graciously living out their call to holiness.

I see holiness in the city bus driver who enthusiastically waves and honks at my toddler who is yelling "BUS!" and flailing her arms in his direction with all the excitement a 2-year-old can muster.

I see holiness in my colleagues who are bringing their A-games and suiting up in goggles and N95s before each new client that we greet and (hopefully!) lift up.

I see holiness in the man who pulls Junie's scooter out of the street after she has a mini wipe-out coming down a hill. (Of note, a little boo boo on her knee, but she is otherwise just fine! And has further learned about the kindness of others!)

I see holiness in my 7-year-old neighbor boy who comes over and sits in our front yard to read books to his tiny neighbor friends.

I see holiness in the middle school students singing songs and riding down the street on their bikes. 

I see holiness in the elderly woman at the grocery store, smiling at me through her mask and wishing me a happy day.

I see holiness in the teachers, discovering new ways to teach, motivate, and support their virtual learners. 

I see holiness in each of us, respecting one another and striving to understand one another's perspective.

I see holiness in my sisters, as they awaken at 11 pm... and 2 am... and 5 am... to feed and comfort their hungry little newborns.

I see holiness in my dad, singing praises and songs of thanksgiving to God while enduring his immunotherapy treatments and awaiting his next scan results.

I see holiness in my mom, awakening at dawn each morning to sip coffee, read her devotional, and pray for her family and friends who are in need of God's comfort and nourishment-- and then continuing on to provide immense support for her family in every tangible way.

I see holiness in sweet Kurt, busting it during the day and coming home to dote on-- and cook for!-- his four ladies.

And I see holiness in you. 

Yes, you. :) And all of your little creative and hidden ways that you are loving on yourself and on others.

As Father John and Saint Mother Teresa so beautifully pointed out, we are all called to sainthood. You are invited to be a saint. And what a beautiful job you are doing!

[Please enjoy the below photos of Saint Naomi, Saint Rose, and Saint June just shining their lights and doing their things!]

Celebrating Grands!

Scrolling back through my old photos, videos, and memories, I was touched by all of my documented happy memories with Grandma, Grandpa, Papa, and Nana. We are so lucky. Both at work and in my personal life, I see so often the incredible impact grandparents have on the lives of their grandbabies. I've met grandparents serving as guardians, as friends, as teachers, as chauffeurs, as cheerleaders, and as role models. Grandparents are seriously the real MVPs.

Here are 26 reasons why our grandparents are number 1:

1. They break into tears upon hugging you after 4 long weeks apart.

2. They put the Puffs directly into your mouth so that your 6-month-old fingers don't have to work too hard.

3. They crochet you baby blankets and hats for your baby dolls.

4. They grow flowers so that you can smell, pick, and adore them.

5. They babysit so that Mom and Dad can catch a break!

6. They walk on their hands to entertain you.

7. They surprise you with a new playground in their backyard.

8. They buy you a life insurance policy. :)

9. They put your picture on a billboard.

10. They have converted their office into a spare bedroom for you.

11. They have your name (and the names of your cousins!), as well as your artwork, decorating an entire bedroom wall. 

12. They teach you how to hit a baseball.

13. They wear your picture (and all of your cousins' pictures) on their tie.

14. They make up games to play with you.

15. They bake warm chocolate chip cookies with and for you and your parents!

16. They come watch your gymnastics, soccer, swimming, and music classes.

17. They buy you a bike 4 months before your birthday just so you don't miss out on an extra summer of fun.

18. They wear your picture (and all of your cousins' pictures!) on their mask.

19. They lay on the floor to play puzzles, "Super Baby," and "See-saw" with you.

20. They fill their fridge with chocolate milk and their freezer with ice cream before each visit.

21. They take you on long kayak rides through Lake Michigan.

22. They throw on their bathing suits and hop in to make bath-time even more fun.

23. They place shoes, bibs, and stuffed animals on their heads to make you laugh.

24. They read you story after story after story after story-- until you fall asleep.

25. They sew your pants when you rip holes in the knees.

26. They teach you about Jesus' love for you and for all!

                                                   

Resting in Ambiguity

In light of recent (non-COVID-related) challenging news that I have received, I have been thinking more and more to myself: “Man, everything is so darn ambiguous right now! I just want answers!”

 And, YES, everything today IS certainly ambiguous.

In the midst of [im!]patiently waiting for the world to return to a more predictable, more comfortable state, I found myself Googling [Shout out to Merriam-Webster and Oxford English Dictionaries] the definition of “ambiguity:”

Ambiguity (noun): 

• A word or expression that can be understood in two or more possible ways.

• Uncertainty  

• Inexactness       

I’ve read and have heard on many accounts in the past month that we are living in ‘uncertain’ times, and that is true. But the word ‘inexactness?’ THAT resonates with me. Everything feels so inexact, and I, for one, am not particularly a fan.

·      When will an effective vaccine be ready?

·      When will tests become more readily available for our community?

·      When will owners be able to re-open their restaurants, shops, and salons?

·      When will surgeries and other medical appointments, which have previously been considered quite urgent, be scheduled?

Hey, COVID!
Naomi has a message for you.

·      Are my young children noticing these changes; are they confused?

·      When will I be able to visit my relatives again?

·      Is a second wave going to come? When? How intense will it be? How can we best help mitigate the risk?

·      What will our economy look like in 2 months? 2 years? 10 years?

·      For how long will the (AMAZING! INCREDIBLE! HERO!) frontline workers be able to maintain this pace, and how do we best support them and their mental and physical health?

·      I just sneezed; could this be Coronavirus? 

The list of questions goes on and on.

Years ago, when I was feeling particularly stressed about a decision, my MUCH older and wiser husband (haha!) lovingly reminded me that part of life is learning to sit in the ambiguity. Is it comfortable? No. Would I prefer to be sure? To have clear answers? For things to be stable? Heck yes.

My sweet husband reminds me that:

1. The past is finite.
2. There are infinite possibilities of what the future may hold.
3. Today-- this current moment-- is what we have.

To stress about what may happen... to invent hypothetical scenarios in my mind... to marinate on worst-case scenarios... just is not a very healthy or helpful practice. In Luke 12:25, this question is posed: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" 

So, while I would prefer to have more answers, I will instead muster my courage and rest in the inexactness of the present day. Here is my resting-in-ambiguity quarantine to do list:

• Continue my social distancing/curve-flattening efforts with my family.
• Choose joy.

• Focus on gratitude.

• Be gentle with myself-- and with others.

• Connect with my loved ones frequently.

• Take deep, grounding breaths.

• Move my body.

• Give (and receive!) at least 11 hugs per day-- the magic number, I hear!!

• Play.

• Seek peace through prayer.

• Spread love where I am able.

• Believe that WE CAN DO THIS.

Craving Connections in a COVID World

 A friend of mine recently posted this photo of cuddling carrots grown from her garden:

A few thoughts:

I want to join you, little carrots!! 😂

These carrots long to be together; they are embracing one another in a hug. I SO love to hug my friends and family. It turns out, after 32 years, I am learning that hugging is my love language. I praise God that I have my four darlings within my home these days so that I can sneak in cuddles whenever I want. It is HARD, though, this life without hugs, high fives, and hand shakes. 

As human beings, we want and we need community and companionship. One of my loved ones states frequently that, years from now, there will be articles written on the devastating social and psychological effects of the isolation caused by COVID. Of course there will be. We are meant to be in community; we are meant to live in companionship with others. 

Still, I will not forego my responsibility to my brothers and sisters. Like you, I will socially distance and skip out on hugs. I will smile with my eyes over my mask. I will shout hello to a stranger across the street.  I will say a prayer for the driver in front of me at the stop light.  I will send my neighbors cards through their mailboxes and send videos of my daughters to their cousins and school friends. I will showcase signs of love and support from my front yard. I will graciously accept the dropped-off donuts from a dear friend, and I will run outside to say hello to a sister visiting from a nearby suburb. 

Yes, I am feeling all the feels today, as COVID has ruined yet another set of plans. COVID, how dare you. Seriously.  I had this delicious weekend in the works, and you stripped away another chance at a modified reunion with my community. In the grand scheme of things, this botched weekend is so tiny. But it is just one more thing. One more loss caused by this pandemic. I am sad, and I am missing my hugs-- and I am hopeful. 

I look to the future with hope and with optimism. With the easy parts of communing torn from us, we are creative in our ways to show our love and support.  While I am saddened by the reaction of the few, I am comforted and emboldened by the reaction of the many. We can do this together. We can do it for one another. Here's to thinking, speaking, and acting in a way that changes our world for the better.

Signing off for now. If you need me, I'll be at home, cuddling with my carrots. 

My Breastfeeding Journey

This is my breastfeeding journey:    

June was my first baby to nurse. When she was born, we danced the breastfeeding dance so gracefully. Everything was lovely. Breastfeeding, to me, was motherhood—and motherhood was breastfeeding.

As my exhaustion caught up with me around June’s eighth week, though, my postpartum depression and anxiety began rearing its ugly head, and breastfeeding was no longer graceful, no longer lovely. I stressed about every little piece of nursing. I worried about how I would find time to pump between patients. My supply had been strong, yet I now worried about how and where I would store my frozen milk. I researched every little detail to any unhealthy degree and set standards far too high. I found—and created—any reason to worry.

When a lovely friend, colleague, and fellow mama reminded me that giving formula was a perfectly viable option, I cried my eyes out. It was true. With much deliberation and support from my husband and family, I opted to allow my supply to dry up while we transitioned to giving bottles. It was a horribly scary time. I was angry, and I was so sad. While I knew something had to give to help me become whole again after the crippling weeks of anxiety, I still felt so defeated. I feared I was no longer the mother I dreamt I would be.

And then I gave the bottles.

And my beautiful daughter ate.

And she grew.

And she was happy.

And I grew.

And I was happy.

And I could relax.

And now Baby June is three. And she’s a big sister twice-over. And I have nursed two more babies. And I have fed bottles to these babies. And we are happy. And we have learned to be flexible. And we have learned to dance our own dance.

Mama & big girl, June

Nursing June in the hospital!

Nursing-- & hiking!-- Rose

Post-nurse Naomi

And we are so, so proud of who we are, where we’ve been, and where we’re going.

Own your story, give yourself (a whole HEAP of!) grace, and know that what is right for you is right for your child.

Also, June told me last night that I make her heart happy. If 8-week-old June could’ve spoken, I know she would have expressed similar sentiments. Her mama was working so hard and truly doing her best. Aren’t we all? ☺️ Keep on keepin’ on, friend. You make our hearts happy!

Fruitful Friendships: Sunrise Coffee Edition

                                                

My husband has a tradition with his guy friends of which I'm a *touch* jealous. That is to say, the girls and I should implement a similar tradition STAT.

In 2008, in their last semester of undergrad, three friends started meeting on Friday mornings at sunrise. They'd meet up at a Dunkin Donuts in downtown Milwaukee, just east of their Marquette campus, before their 9 am classes to sip coffee, chat, and check in. Over the next two years, two more friends joined as the group transitioned to the Starbucks at Red Arrow Park and then to Alterra (now Colectivo) on the Lake. My then fiance, now husband, joined the guys in 2012. Since then, these six guys have been meeting weekly at Colectivo. As girlfriends have become wives and new babies have joined the picture, these friends keep getting together. While it is not as logistically simple to meet up these days, the men continue creating time, citing that it is more important than ever to check in with one another and to keep their friendship strong. Dave, my brother-in-law, sends the group text out the evening before, noting at what time the sun will rise. Some combination of the six men then meet the next morning, joking, laughing, and touching on a wide variety of topics, including sports, work, family, loss, new births, the beloved quarterly craft beer tasting, parents, parenting, and so on. Each man buys his first cup of coffee, and then there is a rotating schedule, based on birthdays, for who buys "reefs" (refills) that morning. 

Now, I do not think I am unique in finding this tradition to be rather endearing. It is a simple routine for these gentlemen, and each week is another stitch in the tapestry of their friendship. 

What I am most touched by, though, has been watching each of these men become a father in recent years. The oldest offspring of the group, twin girls who I used to nanny every Thursday before I had my own daughters, were born in the summer of 2015-- less than 5 years ago. Shortly after their mom brought them into this world, I asked her-- the first mom of this group-- how she felt knowing that she'd be raising these two daughters. She was thrilled; she was excited to raise them into smart, independent, strong young ladies. I loved her answer. Since then, seven more babies have been born to the Sunrise Coffee dudes. And seven out of seven of those babies are also girls. A mother of two of these other little ladies often reminds me, "Who rule the world?  Girls?" 

What is also extremely fun is that the wives of the last two of these men to become fathers will give birth in the next few days and weeks, respectively. One of these wives is the sweetest friend who introduced me (and can totally take credit for that! 😜) to my husband on the soccer field in 2011, and the other is my sister. Neither couple knows if they will give birth to a son or a daughter. We are so excited to see if the reign of daughters rolls on, or if one of these couples will give birth to a sweet son.  Stay tuned! [The probability of having 9/9 daughters is roughly 0.2%... 10/10 daughters is 0.1%... 11/11 daughters is 0.05%.]

Why do I feel compelled to write this post? Well, I guess it is just that I feel so proud to have these six men accompanying us six wives on our parenthood journey. [And I know these dudes are proud to be our companions!] You better believe that the dads are facilitating the adventurous spirits of these fiery little ladies. These Sunrise Coffee men have transformed into incredible partners and fathers over the last decade+. Men that we are so proud to know, love, and cherish. The nine daughters (and two yet-to-be-earthside babes!) are all enamored by their loving dads. And while our respective husbands are far from perfect 😉, the other wives and I are well aware that we-- and our daughters-- are blessed to be on this journey of life together with them.

*Additional notes: 1. The guys have not physically met for coffee since March of 2020 due to the COVID-19 craziness. 2. A few other brothers and friends have joined the Sunrise Coffee group in the last 18 months so, truthfully, there are now some amazing little sons in the group. :)