And, Not But

A wise friend of mine once shared with me the importance of using the word "and" rather than using the word "but." It is important to recognize that I (we! you!) can feel more than one emotion at once. And all of those emotions are valid.

So, here goes:

I am in love with my baby girls, and I need a break from them.

Yes, I need a break from them.

I am in my home today, and Baby Naomi and her sisters are not here.

I am sitting at my kitchen table, and there is no baby attached to my body.

I am eating a dirt cake cup (YUM) that my sweet neighbor just dropped off, and no one is trying to 'flit' (split) it with me.

I am using my computer, and no sticky fingers are crawling all over the keys and the screen.

I am collecting my thoughts, and I don't hear any tiny little voice asking, "Mom? Mom? Mom?"

I am alone in my home, and I LOVE IT. 

If you know me, you know that I am obsessed with these baby girls (and husband!) of mine. I am so grateful to be the mother of this strong girl tribe; Kurt and I are certainly blessed beyond measure!

Also, between the pandemic, my maternity leave, and a host of other factors, catching more than a moment of solo me-time has been quite the challenge recently. In fact, it has been over 14 weeks that I have been alone in my home for more than 30 minutes.  And this quiet, this calm... it is so reparative.  It is not an indictment on my littlest loves; it is simply a truth.

After I had Junie, my first babe, I would have felt ashamed and embarrassed to share these feelings. Shouldn't I always want to be near my little ones? Shouldn't I always love to hear the sound of their excited squeals-- of them calling out to me?  The answer, I have learned, is an unequivocal no. 

Through my work, I am fortunate to see a little slice-- a cross-section, if you will-- of all different types of mothers.  Two of the themes of parenthood that I hear far too frequently in the work with my clients and their families are guilt and shame. I hear it from fathers, too, but mainly from mothers. Wonderful, attentive parents subtly (or not so subtly) express that they don't know if they're doing enough, they don't know if they are BEING enough for their babes.  This self-doubt and self-deprecation has GOT to stop, friends.

Mama, you ARE good enough. In fact, you are better than 'good enough.' You are strong. You are a force. You were meant to be the mother of your child, and no one can do a better job than you can. You are a phenomenal gift to your child. 

Am I grateful for this time? Absolutely.

Do I know that I'll miss this chaos like CRAZY in upcoming years? Absolutely.

And am I exhausted? Absolutely.

Peace out! ✌Time for a quick bowl of cookie dough ice cream and a nap!