The most influential course I took while at Marquette was "Psychology of Happiness," taught by the esteemed Dr. Anees Sheikh, who is now a professor emeritus. Dr. Sheikh was so wise, so calm, yet so full of life. The entire message of his course could be summed up in this phrase: "If you want to be happy, practice kindness." He spoke frequently of the Dalai Lama in his course. Years ago, I had the honor of speaking at Dr. Sheikh's retirement party, and there, I shared that it felt like he actually had served as Marquette's very own Dalai Lama. He was (and is!) a treasure of a human being, and I am grateful to have met him.
During that course, in addition to exams, we were responsible for a capstone paper-- a conglomeration of weekly journal prompts throughout the semester. In a rare afternoon cleaning-spree today, I found that paper -- 28 pages in total. So far, I have just read the first two entries. Many things in both entries stood out to me. My second entry is below.
In our evening class, Dr. Sheikh led us through a reflection session, and he asked us to try to become as relaxed as possible and to focus only on our breathing. He started, "You are sacred beings," and he shared this meditation would simply be a glimpse of the sacredness of our beings. Dr. Sheikh said, "So much of our days involve fighting gravity; let your limbs and body SINK into the floor/chair." If thoughts came into our head, he said, we should just bring our mind back to concentrating on our breathing.
Since I have only meditated a few times in my life, I was amazed at how well my body calmed. I am certain that my pace of breathing would further slow, though, if I practiced more often. A few moments after we were instructed to allow our bodies to succumb to gravity, I felt as if my head was going to fall to the side. I could focus on my breathing quite easily. At first, I was breathing rather rapidly, since I had just run to class. (Shocking. Haha.) After a short while, though, it slowed down greatly. The thing I appreciated most about this reflection was the immense silence. I live a very busy, FULL life, and I am constantly needing to remind myself that I am a human BEING, not a human doing. I truly believe that a certain peace inside my body can lead to a deep, deep happiness. All day, I was stressed about my Physiology exam-- my first exam of the semester-- at 11 o'clock the next morning. During this twenty-minute reflection session, I completely stopped stressing out about the exam. It fully left my mind during that period; it was SUCH a great feeling! I typically exert a lot of energy stressing for upcoming exams, so it is a good lesson for me to learn to relax before a big test. Last semester, I wrote myself a note during finals week; it read, "I am a brilliant girl, and grades don't really matter." HA! If that second part were only true! How great would that be? Regardless, this meditation made me recognize the benefits of relieving my body of stress/anxiety. As Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." This meditation opened my eyes to the power of tranquility, and this recognition was something that I really needed in my life. I know this lone meditation will not provide the desired stillness for too long, so I should try to keep this [meditating] up. I loved this feeling that my mind was at ease. In my hectic life, I also rarely get enough sleep, and I felt quite rested and energized after this twenty-minute session. I will remember this calming, yet revitalizing, exercise the next time I am feeling exhausted.
While I feel (know!) that I am exposing myself through sharing this journal entry-- well, and really all of these blog posts!-- I find it beneficial for myself that I do so. Looking back on my earlier writings tells me so much. This journal entry is like a little love letter, a little gift from my 20-year-old self to myself today. I imagine many of you have similar-- though uniquely your own!-- experiences. I hope this blog can be a source of light or encouragement to you.
Things that struck me:
- I was struggling with undiagnosed anxiety at that time. Oh my goodness, how I used to stress about every little exam and paper back in college and grad school! It is true that I still feel anxious at times. It is also true that I have learned a great deal in the past eleven years. Getting older is so much fun! 😆
- I was telling myself that grades don't matter, but I was not believing that sentiment. It would have been much better for me to place less emphasis on grades throughout my school. In my life today as a mother of young babes, what do I fret about that I should let go of?
- I did-- and DO!-- live a very happy and blessed life. Practicing and writing my "experientials" that semester was so enjoyable and so meaningful for me. I look forward to reading the rest!
- Dr. Sheikh is a saint. I am incredibly lucky to have received the education that I did.
- Sitting still is hard for me. In fact, it's foreign to me. I still struggle with allowing myself to sit still... hence, the title of this blog that I named and began over 5 years ago, but still 6 years after taking Dr. Sheikh's course.
- Kurt is the best partner; he teaches me so much, and I am extremely grateful that soccer brought me to him 9 years ago!
- Meditation, prayer, intentional/slow breathing, and reflection are good for the soul and are so very grounding! It would be fruitful for me to spend more time in these practices.
- Philippians 4:8 has become even more important for our family since 2009. Philippians 4:8, and more specifically, Tommy Newberry's The 4:8 Principle book, have been so helpful in finding joy even in the midst of some turbulent times.
- This meditation and reflection reminds me of a funny happening from yesterday. Apparently, my two-year-old has taken to setting videos or photos as "Stories" on our phones. Kurt was shocked the other day while watching a satirical video of me on his phone. "Did you post this on my Instagram?" he asked. "Absolutely not," I laughed. "Why? Is it posted?" ROSE!!! She did this last week, too! Little Rose had posted a ridiculous video of me that Kurt made me repeat as proof that I was saying that the pandemic has made me realize it is okay to slow down and to not schedule every moment of every day with activities, outings, and get-togethers. In the video, I commit to scheduling just one activity per day. The truth is-- I just love being around people and going on adventures!! But it is true that being (trapped!) at home so often has been enjoyable in many ways. [Of note, the video, itself, is funny and fine. I just did not mean for this declaration to be shared with the world! Rose decided to make a joke at her mama's expense!] Rose is a sneaky one, and my twenty-year-old self knew that I needed to keep being reminded of the power of tranquility.
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